To illustrate this, Twenge cites driving a car. Some children may feel ready at 12, others much later, but as a society we are committed to respecting the legal driving age. She thinks technology should work the same way. Sixteen, she argues, is an appropriate age, because by that time most teens are given other responsibilities, like driving and getting around on their own. Research also suggests that older adolescents have greater self-regulation skills, which help them deal with smartphone distractions and pressures more safely.
Additionally, Twenge recommends waiting until age 16 or older before allowing children to use social media, which is later than the current legal minimum of 13.
“Sixteen years is a good compromise,” she says. “It’s based on the idea that by this time, kids are past those intense middle school years, where peer pressure is strongest. They’re more confident in their identities and relationships, and they’re generally more mature and responsible.”
According to Kathy Do, assistant project scientist at the California Institute for Law, Neuroscience and Education, adolescents are particularly susceptible to the addictive aspects of social media precisely because that’s when they are most sensitive to social status.
“Peer relationships become more important during adolescence than during childhood and adulthood. Motivation and reward systems in the brain are more active during adolescence,” she said. “Adolescents show a strong brain response to social rewards – things like praise, attention and inclusion – and to social threats like rejection or exclusion.”
The digital landscape has changed dramatically since 2017. Back then, parents could hand their child a flip phone to make calls and send texts. Today, when smartphones dominate the market, a flip phone may seem impractical or socially isolating. As an intermediate solution, Twenge cites “thin phones” that allow calling and texting but block access to social networks, web browsers and potentially dangerous applications. Some even come with pre-set restrictions, like banned dating apps or AI chatbots to give parents more peace of mind.
Tech Free Zones and Freedom in the Real World
Schools are already seeing positive results from phone bans, including students taking greater academic risks because they no longer worry that other students will permanently save digital records of an embarrassing moment.
At home, Twenge encourages families to establish “phone-free zones” – times and places where devices are limited or prohibited. The most important of these, she says, is the bedroom at night.
“I say in the book that if you’re going to stick to one rule, make it this one,” Twenge said. “Just to preserve sleep, because it’s so important for physical and mental health.” Research consistently links late-night screen use to impaired sleep, which in turn affects mood, learning, and overall well-being.
Other phone-free zones might include family dinners or family vacations. Children are more likely to adhere when parents engage in the same behavior. “A little digital hypocrisy is good, but you really have to be a good role model,” Twenge explained. “If you say no phones at the family dinner table, then you need to follow that rule yourself as much as possible.” Vacations can be trickier since children often want to stay in touch with their friends. In these cases, Twenge suggests designating a short, predictable window for phone use, such as after dinner.
When phones are put away, parents can create space for what Twenge calls “real-world freedom.” This means encouraging children to develop their independence, life skills and offline social connections. Examples include walking to school, riding a bike to a friend’s house, running errands, or helping around the house with tasks like laundry or cooking. “And it’s also great for the parents,” Twenge added, “because you don’t have to cook that night.”
Is it too late for your period?
Ideally, stricter regulations would place more responsibility on companies that build apps that keep users hooked. In the absence of such safeguards, much of the responsibility falls on parents.
“One of the biggest challenges of modern parenting is you want to be loving but firm. (You get the best results) when you can do both,” Twenge said. She added that parents can explain the reasons for their choices, although that won’t always stop children from questioning the rules.
Many children already recognize when their own or their friends’ relationships with technology are unhealthy. “Whether it’s one-on-one or when I’m giving talks at middle schools or high schools, that’s the general theme: They know it’s a problem. They just don’t always know what to do, partly because they feel like all their friends are doing it,” Twenge said. Parents can help by giving their children language they can use with their peers, such as “I can’t text you right now because I’m having family dinner” or “I need to keep my phone out of my room when I go to sleep.”
For parents who introduced smartphones or apps before the age of 16, Twenge emphasizes that it’s not too late to make changes. “It’s a real myth that you can never go back. It’s absolutely possible,” she said. The approach depends on the age of the child. For an 11-year-old child with an unrestricted smartphone, she advises reducing access by replacing it with a flip phone, a basic phone, or even no phone at all. For a 15-year-old, parents could allow him to keep the device but add new guardrails.
“Put parental controls so they can’t download apps on their own,” Twenge suggested. “Then you have to have a conversation about why they want a certain app.”
