“Make sure you listen to what they need and that you have adapted the PEP to talk to the specific anxiety they have,” said Linden.
Let’s say that she feels shy to say her wishes in front of everyone. So you could say: Hey, I read your wishes, and they are so beautiful. The groom will love them, and I know they will move everyone in the crowd too. Do you want to practice them once again before going down the aisle?
Do not save your councils from encouragement for big tricks.
People often have more support and encouragement for the greatest challenges of life, such as the management of a marathon or a departure therapy, than they do for the little ones, says Skaggs.
So be a cheerleader for your loved ones in these everyday moments, she said. If your friend mentions that they make a presentation at work next week and feel excited but also a little anxious, send them a text message enriched with morale that week.
You could write: You will be great in your presentation. You are an excellent speaker and you have launched it lately. Sending good vibrations in your own way!
Small PEP talks like these show that you care, and they can be just as significant as giving a speech of encouragement on a wider problem, says Skaggs.
An encouragement speech should not include advice.
Let’s say your friend calls and tells you that their partner has just broken with them. They cry and are very upset. What should you say?
Assess the situation. If it is clear that they are not looking for solutions, your discourse of encouragement could take the form of “encouragement and to testify to the challenges they are going through,” explains Linden. You could try to be an active listener and do soil exercises together.
Do not feel the need to say “something revolutionary that the person has never heard before,” says Skaggs. Sometimes it can be comforting to simply “remind them of what they already know how to be true”.
You might say: I know what you are going through is really difficult and it hurts a lot right now, but I’m here for you.
Keep things simple.
“A speech of encouragement should not be something formal on which you spend a ton of time and reflected,” explains Skaggs.
It’s perfectly ok to write the words: “Don’t give up!” On a sticky note and stick it to the office of a colleague who tries to finish a major project. Or send an SMS saying: “You are fine!” To a friend mom who has just given birth.
And when it comes to giving yourself A speech of encouragement, remember that “you don’t have to nail it from the start,” says Skaggs. “Give yourself the same amount of grace, encouragement and forgiveness.”
This story was published by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We would be delighted to hear you. Leave us a vocal messaging at 202-216-9823, or send us an email to lifekit@npr.org.
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